Friday, September 27, 2013

夏天的尾巴

九降風來了。柿餅開始曬了。MLBPostseason下個禮拜就要開打了。該畢業的同學都畢業了。連蘇打綠色的秋天專輯也出來了。今年,還剩下3個月。
 
夏天,剛走了。

這個說過很多次了 - X回來後,我一直很難適應在家裡的生活。後來,我做了一個影片。是大概3個月後。很遲來我知道。但總算是一個明確的separation point。我一整晚沒睡覺完成的影片。剛剛,我看了這個8分鐘的短片。我發現,新埔有好多東西,我都忘了。最最最美的照片,竟然是第一個跟VardaCarol去台北的trip,我在淡水幫他們兩個照的相片。後來,忘了爲什麽我們吵架。我爆了一次粗口。也因爲意見分歧,我站在CTLC那一邊,保護了我boss。我們便不再一起跑專案。

Mike。最近,他跑的專案,跟扶輪社合作的環島除小兒麻痹症專案,上了電視新聞。National TV. Mike以前說,他想要完成一個專案,讓全台灣都知道的專案。他,從我們的新埔專案騎腳踏車起到現在。我想說,我們的新埔專案以前雖然很多缺點,卻也是現在這個EndPolio專案的搖籃。不知道他們有沒有同感。而Mike,還是跟以前一樣,可以爲了犬逆和專案,而放棄自己的課業。當年去機場接Varda而缺席期中考,到今天被21。不一樣的是,他完成了自己的想要做的事。而且還有一個bonus,就是他的HKU韓國女友。那年,新埔專案沒有想象中順利,他很自責。我們一群人去台中後在他家喝酒,他喝醉後丟到屋外的眼鏡(他自己的),我還留著。

那時候,最糟糕的時候,他還說過,每天騎車要去犬逆House的時候,他都希望在路上被車撞死,就可以不用去了。

那年,我認識的Mike是喪志,不是有志。我臨走前有告訴他要找回自己,現在,我很開心,看到他,雖然被21,可是他完成了夢想。做了一個有意義的專案,還有環島。
AIESEC的那次X,讓我學到,很多人,真的可以很喜歡自己的工作,真的可以從心裏笑,辛苦,也可以是很甜蜜的,笑容可以是多麽地真誠。因爲最近某人一直說,要繼續有faith,要信主。我想說,撐下去的,從來都不是主,而始終是自己。力量,也不是主給的;而是從我們自己在自己的身上發現的。請對號入座 - 如果你是某人,世界,永遠都比你想象的大。要相信自己,做回自己。 

最近一直這樣。生理時鐘不知道爲何又回到以前上大學的時候。半夜都很精神,白天在辦公室都超想躺下去睡覺。有一天,我和一個同事聊天。因爲我們都是同期加入公司,而他又是負責我的專案的,所以我跟他很好。他跟我說,他都兩點鐘才睡覺,因爲他的大兒子白天都在睡覺,晚上吵吵鬧鬧要有人陪他玩。他說這番話的時候,我看著他的眼睛,真的是發光的。

新加坡。我Instagram上最近四張照片都是新加坡拍的。一來我沒有固定的網路。二來也沒有什麽好拍的。時常很掙扎的問題是我爲什麽會來這裡,有時候會受不了這裡的不文明,真的很想好好把握青春。紐約時報上個禮拜有一篇關於新加坡打算建造一個地下城,有學校,醫院和住宅。而這裡,醫院連捐血的部門都沒有。

話説,我最近重看了一套韓國的連續劇。當年是衝著棒球和朴秀愛看的。而後來我一對朋友也因爲跟這套劇情太像,而一早被我批中會在一起。現在也在一起快半年了。重看的心情,反而是圍繞在女主角身上,30嵗人生大關頭的她如何掙扎於夢想和現實之間。

我也不是一樣嗎。我的20幾過了快一半,我也好像還一無所成。大學花了六年。六年中,我也好像沒有完成什麽。這一點我是羡慕Mike的。回頭看,今年夏天,算是我人生的一大改變。擺脫了一直無法釋懷的期待,回家一個禮拜Reset來迎接這個夏天。應該可以說,除了一次很不幸的車禍,總算,也戰鬥了一段時間。 

The Internship. 我上一次這麽期待新電影是兩年前的《那些年》。雖然說是Google的廣告片,可是對於崇拜google的概念的人來説,真的很好看。我覺得,是Google把公司的精神發揚光大的一套電影。Google沒有脫離身為資料傳達者的身份。跟蘋果不一樣,Google不僅通過產品改變使用者的生活,Google更加注重于用戶的experience. Google沒有奪走當年美國夢,而是在實現美國夢。就好像Adidas不僅僅是透過頂尖職業運動員的表現來推銷他們的產品,而是透過他們來給品牌一個身份和定義。有一天,Google會超越蘋果。可能,這已經在發生。

選擇相信自己所擁有的,而不是去執著于自己沒有的。Nick有的是卓越的吸收能力,Billy有的是對於團隊的價值觀。他們擁有的是相信Google提供的服務是人類的,不是機械的。我覺得最有啓發力的部分是他們如何去handle失敗。魁地奇賽和客服比賽失利後,他們怎麽相信”We’ll get em next time.不是不放棄,而是相信自己的付出;相信機會。這,應該就是 - 美國夢。 

秋天來了。我希望從新開始閲讀。2013年的夏天,謝謝你的溫暖。

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

End of Summer '13

It’s funny a same group of people remember things differently. I kept talking about 2011, I had a chance to chat about it with one of my best friend. It appeared that he, remembered it as a semester that was extremely busy. Not much fun, but endless work. And his final year project. 

In a way, our memory belonged only to ourselves. And, it is so precious, when two or even more people sharing the same piece of memory.

I actually found a picture. It is one of the original live wallpaper on the phone, and definitely one of the best. It was the first one I used, and once in a while I still turn back to it. It’s like the 2nd half of 2011 I had been talking and reminiscing so much about. 


It’s just that. The sky was clear. Every day there was something to look forward to. And those something was fun. No matter whatever it was, we were always going to have breakfast and lunch together; we were always going to do it together. Even though I already knew I wouldn’t graduate with them. I guess I went to GCDP with AIESEC because I wanted to prove something, that even though I couldn’t graduate with them, I had done something to be proud of, that none of them did. To balance the inferior feeling. 

It’s been a funny week. Like workload suddenly reduced, and my mind hadn’t been able to be so far off work ever since the days in my previous company. Couldn’t sleep well. Had long wild dreams about everything. And I think I was more excited about the buffet dinner than my family who were going. I was happy that they kinda had a good and light time, quality time, especially my dad. 

A blog that I followed for over a year, was recently revitalized. The author is in her summer holidays and the new semester doesn’t start in a month’s time, so she’s back in the country and writing. She’s a remarkable young lady. Most impressed. And the things she write are getting better, I actually felt ashamed about my own bloggings here after seeing what she wrote. I’ve gotto grow up! And fast!

Talk about movies. Did you remember the Bollywood film “3 Idiots”? I found something when I sort of rewatched it again today. Pia loved Rancho, but she somehow managed to nearly married another guy. All these years, the love didn’t change, but then she could bear to marry another guy. It’s very cruel. Perhaps it is only in films, that those dramatic endings could happen, and that after many years, the feelings and the people never changed, as if all the years between never happened.

Cheung Kah Fai’s latest boxing film, is a revelation. He’s just proven he’s the super actor that we already knew he is. Splendid performance. Script was bad, but I was sorry to hear that most people, including some local artists, declared that the film is trying to tell that your will take you far beyond your imaginations. I thought, they did pick Cheung Kah Fai for one reason, his age. So it was more to at the end of the day, in whatever we do, any stage of our lives, we owe no one but ourselves an answer. 

++++++++

All these negativity and sadness that you’re tweeting, I wish I knew what they were about. If you had looked closer I probably had given you the answers. The old messages in whatsapp, the greeting cards, the postcard. 

But you know what? JM’s right, why should I care, why am I still thinking about this. I couldn’t answer him. You’re family. You’re part of. You belong. And I don’t know how to de-categorize it. 

Perhaps all I missed about that semester of 2011 was being able to talk to you. I wished I had taken you out that term. 

When will you see?