Thursday, February 28, 2013


Pumped Up Kicks – Foster The People

Do you believe songs can store a moment, or somebody? Does any particular song reminded you of a particular period in your life, or any particular person?

After a great end to 2011, 2012 started disastrously for me because I missed my supplementary exam. Loving Eileen turned even harder because she was going to Perth. The 3 weeks in Miri was the beginning of the worst ever period of my life.

Loving her kept me alive.

Loving her was the only console I had. And then the grand overnight in LCCT. Then cousine Nee’s birthday. Come to think of it, she was ever lovely. She loved us all like any other time. And then I went back to Miri. I couldn’t wait. A new beginning. I was beginning to learn to let go.

It was like I never left. Things hardly changed. I joined new friends like Vincent. Church guys. But the rest were the same – Debbie was still staying with Kah Wai, Nicholas was still in school, we were taking the same subject. And then of course there was Robert, who never gave up on me when I almost gave up on myself. For all my life, I will forever owe him this.

My first month was still very much about her. My first week, I skipped a class because I needed to post her a book. The surroundings of the school were so familiar. I’d remember where I used to see her, even though all the faces were so unfamiliar.

Every routine there was my rehab. Some of my happiest days for the past few years were there. I missed those guys. Even Johnny visited us. Our breakfast outings, then to GK, some dinner outings, McDonald’s lunches.

Pumped Up Kicks was my return to civilization. I knew this song from the video game MVP baseball’s latest patch. My New York Mets started to play like the pundits said they should too. Wright stopped hitting and started climbing the strikeout list, Santana had an 8+ ERA after the no hitter, the only good thing about the Mets was Ike Davis was hitting like everyone knew he could. But Pumped Up Kicks started there and it became my ringtone. There was even a Fluid Mechanics classmate who had the same ringtone as I did.

It was the after first month that Johnny first visited and stayed with us. It was after he left that I really got a new perspective, all thanks to my wallpaper of her which was rather embarrassing, but I couldn’t help myself because I missed her so much. And a month later, Randy boy suddenly accused me of things I did a month ago, publicly, on his facebook wall. Eileen probably saw my reply too. And she probably banned me from facebook for about one afternoon. But then I guess she got her conscience back that who was the one who went to the airport just to see her and made sure she was safe. I’m not trying to boast that I did right, but on a certain level, sometimes, I feel we are connected. We can be so similar in thoughts. That was when I really got tired, it was the same, I’d still get excited by her messages or her favors towards me, even now, but I started to lose the dependency on the drug. I only think of her like I always do. Nothing else.

And November was great. Great great month. Happy month. We didn’t eat as much as we did last year, not as brilliant as we were last year when there were a few more other guys, but it was great. I loved my days there. Even the moody Eileen seemed in good mood all month long. I probably never seen her happier. It was after she came back that she started worrying about jobs. That was when I too was getting busy with my own immediate future, and even less talks. But I still made sure I sent her Christmas cards.

The farewell message booklet that Angela made for me before I left Taiwan, they had everybody whom I met in Taiwan. They wrote me messages. Everyone of them, about 20 of them. I couldn’t read them all at once. It was too sentimental. The same goes for certain songs, such as 田馥甄’s 魔鬼中的天使。Eileen rarely post songs or status. This was one of the few, and one of the better songs she actually posted. It was around the time I started the restaurant work. The original track list that the restaurant boss got had this track somewhere 2 hours from beginning. It was the only song I knew all day. And when I made my own playlist, I always had this. Countless times I’ve looked at the lyrics and tried to figure out what she meant. Eileen I meant. But these days I couldn’t listen to it too. It reminds me too much. Too much of myself, too much of the pain I let myself took during that period.

Yesterday I was looking at the 2013 MLB Draft Rankings. My neighbor colleague couldn’t understand a word in it. And I realized just as how much baseball and the Mets meant to me during that period. Now spring training. Smells good.

Midnight –

Another thing that baseball just taught me – there’s a thing called batting order. You wait for your turn. Just had a small chat with her. She was on the way home from drinks, probably karaoke. She asked for my bank account, for her text book. Remember what I put into the book for her? The lovely candy box from Cousine Nee’s wedding. I asked for one for my own keepsake, but Auntie Teng gave me two, said it would have its use. And indeed. It was Sunday. The next day I shipped it off to her with the book. Maybe I hit a single when I had a pitch to hit for the home run. But my turn will come again. I’ll swing. Faith.

I couldn’t understand why Nik had a quarrel with his wife and refuses to message her about his whereabouts. I mean, if I was him, I would miss her to bits, I would call her.

It has been awhile since I go to bed with your good night wishes. See even small things like this can make my day. As always, I love you. Good night. 

0 意見: