Sunday, December 23, 2012

Obligatory Dignity

I have an obligation to myself. To be myself. To not be not-me. An obligation that I uphold more now, than any other time in my life.

Just now, I saw a common friend's photos. The common friend and her boyfriend were visiting Kuching last week. (aahh there's the keyword!).. its a beautiful attempt to explain HER sudden disappearance, but then she wasn't in the pictures at all! By right, she should have met them? 

Maybe she's hired and already is working? Last I asked replies were short. I-dont-wanna-talk-to-you type. That's why she doesn't see them common friends? 

See this is the kind of "meat" that I used to crave for. No not the restless and uneasiness, but the very doubt itself, that could be used to ignite and fuel conversations.

As I typed I guess I found the best way of describing it. I want to talk to her. I think she's not ready to talk to me. I'll talk to her when she's ready to talk to me. 

Pride? Maybe.

I always felt like I could do more, or I didn't do enough. Felt. 

I guess its just time to balance out - I've been following my heart far too much. I owe the brain a little.

Merry Christmas folks =)

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